A proper goodbye for those I have left
To be honest I almost relapsed. Then, out of nowhere, I had a thought shine like a burning light in my head. "This is not me." The reason why I quit was because I never felt like myself here. No matter how much people accepted me or supported me, I was never in a good spot here, and to be honest, everything here took away from who I was. At the end of the day, in the back of my head, I couldn't stand who I was. We are all lost at times, and to be honest, when I was here, this was my lowest point, and I've been through a lot. Burning thoughts have always kept me going and reaching for what I should be doing, even if they seem difficult, impossible, or harsh. When I left originally, the one thought that burned in my head was that I couldn't see who I was supposed to be. I've always had a vision of someone in my head, hell even a voice. A role model of sorts that I always wanted to be like. I always knew who I should be, and once I lose sight of that, I'm probably not somewhere I should be. As wild as that seems, this is what gets me through everything that has hurt me or that's happened to me; hell, it made me rise out of shit. Right before I left, that voice came back and echoed in my head like a bell. "Who do you want to be?" To be honest, I never thought I would ever say anything about the fact that what keeps me going is a person in my head that tells me to "be better" or "grow the fuck up." Just because I'm lost doesn't mean I can't find myself. We all can be better; we struggle to fix problems. Even the little things can feel impossible at times, but that doesn't mean you stop. Even if that means you get hurt, would you rather be in the same spot your whole life? Stuck doing the same thing you don't really want to do in the first place, or would you rather watch your life slowly get fixed and improved until you can barely recognize your old self? We all have goals that we choose not to achieve. Why? Because it is easier. Sorry to all the people I left here, but I must fix my problems and become that voice. I have one thing to ask. Do you hear the voice of who you should be or are you truly lost?
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